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TOM ATTEA
Tom Attea is humorist and creator of http://NewsLaugh.com, and has had six shows produced Off-Broadway. Critics have called his writing "delightfully funny," "witty," with "good, genuine laughs" and "great humor and ebullience."
Suicide Bomber Arrives At Entrance To Paradise At Same Time As Victims
“What are they doing here?” the suicide bomber asked Allah, pointing to the fifty-two victims he had just blown up along with himself. “I thought I was going to Paradise alone.” “Don’t let him in!” a dead man called from among the recent arrivals. “He killed us!” a female victim shouted. Allah, who was sitting on a gold throne at the entrance to Paradise, held up his scepter, which had a curious red button on top, and told the bomber, “It always happens this way.”
Form Of Argument Used By Terrorists Not In Aristotle’s Rhetoric
As the body count mounts in Iraq, it has become evident that the terrorists, along with the homicidal sectarians, have developed a new form of argument that is not found in Aristotle’s Rhetoric. The philosopher’s civilized inclinations never prompted him to include, among such acknowledged forms of argument as Argumentum ad Populum and Argumentum ad Hominem, the terrorist oratorical mainstay, Argumentum ad Homicidium. In other words, argument by murder.
Idiotic Human Behavior Traced To Greenhouse Gases
An innovative study by an environmental scientist attempts to explain the recent uptick in idiotic human behavior. According to the resourceful researcher, the likely culprit is the abundant supply of greenhouse gases. As a result of their ascendance, there is simply not enough oxygen left in the atmosphere for the human brain to function at the usual level.
Toyota Becomes Number One Car Company; Thanks General Motors
“Thank you so much for making Toyota number one,” the chairman of Toyota, Fujio Cho, said to Richard Wagoner, the CEO of General Motors, and leaned across the conference table to shake his hand. “Think nothing of it,” Mr. Wagoner replied, obliging the Japanese exec. “The credit belongs entirely to you and your quality-obsessed company.”
Ahmadinejad Defends Iran’s Inalienable Right To Become A Nuclear Target
President Mamoud Ahmadinejad defended Iran’s nuclear program in a speech before a group of Islamic clerics, stating, “The Iranian nation has an inalienable right to become a nuclear target.” Then, conflating a calculated reference to The Declaration of Independence with railway transportation, he added, “The train of the Iranian nation is without brakes and a rear gear. We dismantled the rear gear and brakes of the train and threw them away sometime ago."
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