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Bush Vows to protect Constitution; from now on, nobody can use it
In an unprecedented move, the President of the United States has signed legislation in his own mind that would prevent any further use of the Constitution, citing possible terrorist activity. “Frankly, the Patriot Act ain’t gonna cut it,” the President said, employing his unique disregard for the English language, “folks are just gonna have to realize we’re in a war with terrorists, and that war is going to be long and hard. We need to protect our Constitution,” he added, gesturing with a plastic coated copy he grabbed from the open-air souvenir shop behind him.
Vice President Dick Cheney, who had lobbied for the move since his first day in office, told reporters that it was an obvious next step in the war on terror. “There are terrorists everywhere,” Cheney, “and we have to admire a president willing to go against the very constitution he was sworn to protect just so he can do his job and protect it. Really, you have to admire the man,” he added.
Democratic presidential candidates were wary of commenting on the action, citing their unfamiliarity with the subject. “Before I say anything about the President’s action, I’ll need to sit down with my staff and take a look at the document in question,” Senator Clinton said. Obama and Edwards could not be reached for comment, staffers said both men were at the library.
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In order to avoid dinner invitations to Sushi restaurants and Polish sausage clambakes, Krotchett’s history is a bit of a fabrication. Suffice it to say that he’s just as perplexed by the human mind as the next guy.